Wednesday, October 22, 2014

GETTING SETTLED: LANGUAGE


Moving to a new country is definitely an engaging experience, you are thrown completely out of your comfort zone and then you have to work towards creating a new normal in this foreign environment. Three months into my move I feel like Bean and I have settled into a pretty decent routine, our apartment is looking more and more like home and I can walking into the city now without feeling like everyone knows that I am not from here (not that they could before but irrational feelings). Before moving here I had very little exposure to the German language, the only spoken German I had heard before H was in war documentaries, films and the occasional satire on television. In school I studied French and Spanish, German was never even on my radar. I cannot say that I am picking up the language as well as I had hoped but at the same time I really have not been putting in the effort, I am seriously hoping to change that but for now here are a few things I have learned...

one. The Alphabet
The German alphabet is exactly the same as the English one, just add a few extra vowels and weird "S" thing. But my dear friend, the letters do not sound the same, here's a quick (and rough) guide to German pronunciation: F's sound like V's (not all the time though), J's sounds like Y's, W's sound like V's, V's sound like F's and Z's sound like T and S together. Do you feel enlightened, I know I do now!

two. Genau
This is probably the most used word in the German language, it means "right" but is generally used in all situations of consensus. I'm pretty sure in order to join a conversation all I have to do is stand there and say "Ja, ja Genau" and I'll be golden.

three. Just Sound Angry
Seriously everything in German sounds so harsh, what I think is an intense argument over the phone is actually just plans being made about visiting H's parents for coffee over the weekend. Unless someone laughs I genuinely think German people are being indignant with each other.

Okay, okay all joking aside, I really do need to learn German, if anyone has any tips I am all ears. It really is an interesting language and I am really enjoying trying to figure out how it works. I like that is has a lot of rules, and that it doesn't seem to rely too much on irregular verb conjugation (I'm looking at you English). Oh and the best part about German it's compound words.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

FIVE THINGS I CANNOT DO

While I am definitely trying to encourage myself to think more positively about things and to look at my flaws as personal challenges, sometimes I do need to remind myself that I am not perfect and that is okay. I don't have to be good at everything, I don't have to have the healthiest habits, the most productive habits and I don't have to be the best that I can be every second of everyday. These are a few things that I consistently fail at, and for the moment I am just going to accept them and still love myself regardless.

one. Exercise self-control around baked goods
Seriously, chocolate and vanilla beans have like a magnetic pull for me, H's family knows already that if we are having a cake with coffee you can pretty much guarantee I'll be having seconds.

two. Not binge watch The Good Wife during my spare moments
Folding laundry and doing squats is much more enjoyable Mrs. Florrick 

three. Cleaning poopy baby clothes
Shit goes right in the trash, he can get a new shirt I don't care.

four. Cooking simple meals
I cook for a family of four. Only two people eat my meals (Bean gets separate food for the moment) but I cook enough for four plates/bowls because H doesn't eat anything substantial during the day (don't even get me started on that) so he eats approximately three times the amount I do. I like a variety of vegetables and textures in my meals which requires a lot of peeling and chopping but sometimes I wish I could just throw a box into the microwave and call it a day (I can't, I am obsessed with eating fresh food, much to our budgets dismay).

five. Replying to text messages
This is the only one that I actually feel guilty about, I used to be great at this but since Bean came around I now one of those people who reads a message and doesn't look at my phone again for a couple hours.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

ONE HUNDRED DAYS


Four and a half years ago I was given a piece of wisdom that I have held onto to get me through all the difficult times in my life. I was in the hospital at the time and the psychiatrist that was treating me pulled me aside and told me it take a hundred days for things to be okay. He went on to explain how in a hundred days, a new habit (or habits) are formed and that in his experience after a hundred days things seem to hurt less. Maybe its because of new habits but what I took from it was that a hundred days is just the right amount of time to look back on things in a new light. Since then I count the milestones in my life by the hundredth day mark and today marks my hundredth day in Germany. 

In the past hundred days I've gone from excitement at my arrival, to frustration at my alienation, which led to some homesickness and resentment at my situation but now after the landslide of strong emotions I now feel comfort. I have a home here, I have a family here, I'm even getting a hang of the language (understanding how it works at least, I will not be conversing any time soon). I still have my doubts for sure but the hundred days isn't supposed to mean that everything is suddenly peachy-keen it just means that it hurts less. Being away from everyone I know and love hurts less, being a new environment hurts less, and even though I don't know what I am going to do here my feelings are no longer as dour. While this milestone was more of calculated risk then the free-fall I oft find myself in it does not make this experience so far any less impactful on the path my life is headed in, and now a hundred days in there nowhere to go but up or forward, rather to continue my metaphor.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

"SLBS" JAR



I spend too much time on the computer, not only that but I spend too much time on the computer doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I am a stay at home mom so other than caring for my baby there is not a whole lot I can do during the day, coupled with the fact that I don't speak the language here and I have no friends means I spend a lot of time with myself. Essentially what I am saying is that I often fall (leap excitedly) into the black hole that is the internet in order to escape the feeling that I am doing nothing with my life. Well no longer! I decided to speak to my inner child  and ask myself what I could do to combat my boredom without sacrificing productivity but was also non-committal (baby steps okay), and my inner child simply replied "Stop being a lazy shit!"

So now I present to you my "Stop Being a Lazy Shit" jar (SLBS jar) filled with one hundred ideas of what to do to pass the time. I decided to put a variety of things, some broad, some specifics, others productive, others internet-y. As someone who has an amazing lack of self-control and motivation, a little strip of paper telling me exactly what I should do will hopefully be the push I need to eventually end up on a more productive path. This is meant to help me flex my creative muscles, get me in shape, keep my apartment tidy and help me spend my time doing things, instead of staring at my screen but without being a huge time commitment. Once Bean is older and can be left to his own devices safely I will have to get off my ass  and work but for now this will be a good little activity. Here are a few of my entries, if you are curious:


Tuesday, October 07, 2014

DISPERSED


Two years ago, H and I were driving back from Toronto after doing the big boyfriend introduction to my fathers side of the family over thanksgiving weekend. Two years ago I was living pretty care-fre,e studying at university, partying with my girlfriends, caring for my cat. If you had asked me two years ago where I thought my life would be, I definitely would not have guessed here.

Fast forward to now, Toronto is a few countries and the Atlantic ocean away, university is but a distance memory while my books collect dust in storage, my girlfriends all live in different cities (seriously, I think the most I have is two in any city) and my cat is enjoying his new family with my old roommate and the rest of the clan (one human, three feline) who took up residence in my old place. I guess as you grow up you leave pieces of yourself everywhere you go, within everyone you meet and it is incredible to see how far you can reach as everything keeps changing around you.

Last week a friend from university came to visit, it had been a year and half since we had seen each other (not counting skype) but our relationship felt the same. We went sightseeing, discussed art, drank wine, gossiped and of course, talked about boys but we also talked about life, passions, careers and starting a family (I got a headstart in that department). All the things that seemed so far away while we in school are now suddenly upon us, almost as if adulthood snuck up on us while we weren't paying attention but while we both have had our struggles we both seem to realize that the secret to adulthood is not to actually feel like a grown-up but rather to keep figuring it out each day. My friends all have different lives now, different cities, different jobs and maybe we will lose touch but we will all carry a piece of each other wherever we go and (thanks largely to social media) we can watch ourselves be dispersed far and wide.

Monday, October 06, 2014

OCTOBER GOALS + SEPTEMBER RECAP

September and I just couldn't make it work this year. I think I probably express a similar sentiment each year because I put so much pressure on the month to be great, so that even when it is a great month (lovely weather, lovely birthday) it still was not able to live up to my expectations. Externally everything went pretty well this month, H started school, I began my German class, we got a few more things to make this apartment feel like home but something was off internally. The two weeks of the month I battled stomach problems that seem to be stemming from certain food (foods, which I must mention, I have had no prior difficulty with) which has caused me to completely change my eating habits. The mental stress of that combined with some overhanging loneliness as well as trying to care for a baby with (mild) bronchitis just left me rather drained. October however is here, and the new month brought in a friend from home, whose presence has left me recharged and more motivated than ever...but before I announce my latest goals, let us review the last thirty days.

one. Try another new food. Yes
I introduced butternut squash a bit this month, as a pasta sauce, on pizza and roasted on it's own. I definitely think I'll be using it more often.

two. Excersise every day. Mostly
As mentioned above I was feeling pretty drained for the majority of the month but other than the two days that the elevator wasn't working I usually at least went for a walk with Bean, if not a full workout.

three. Tame my hair. Not even close
My lions mane will never be tamed, I'm slowly accepting that.

four. Read to gain knowledge. Nope
I didn't even open a book this month...but I did order #Girlboss, so I'm pretty stoked to read that.

October Goals:

one. Eat better
two. Read at least one new book
three. Create something
four. Establish one new habit