SLEEP

I am pretty sure the topic of sleep will be something I will discuss on here frequently, especially the topic of lack of sleep. Sleeping is something that I have struggled with my entire life, as a child I had major FOMO when I was put to bed even though I was constantly assured that nothing really happens at night time. Now it seems my son has picked up this habit from me, though his sleeping difficulties are hopefully stemming from teething but either way we are on week two of sleepless and tear-filled (mostly mine) nights. Even if he does settle down in the next couple days, we begin our traverse towards the European continent in a wees, with a week spent on the eastern side of Canada before crossing the Atlantic so sleep will irregular, disrupted and greatly missed in the coming weeks. All I can say is soon it won't just be me any more so I'll let Bean and H get some father son time and hopefully at last I'll be able to catch some z's.



D.

GOING CRUELTY FREE

THE GOOD:

Nourish serum, Herbivore Botanicals// Matte Bronzer. NYX// 

Ultrabland, Lush// Rounded Bronzer Brush, EcoTools// 

Soothing Night Cream, Yes to Cucumbers// CC Cream, Marcelle

As I have mentioned before, since becoming a mom I have tried to be a lot more mindful of the the products I consume and use for both myself and Bean. I think this was probably born out of needing to read labels in order to determine if the product is pregnancy/baby-safe and truth be told there is a lot of things that are not. In regard to baby products I started putting things back that were heavily frangranced or contained the ingredient "frangrance (parfum)" and from there I just really started to question a lot of the ingredients in a lot of things, not only for Bean but for me as well. While I can't say I buy into the whole concept the "natural = better" I do believe that a lot of the major players in the beauty industry (read: l'oreal, johnson & johnson, shiseido etc) do not necessarily have our best interests in mind, just their interest in our money. There is a lot of information out there and a lot of it is extremely biased so I don't really concern myself with the pronouncability of ingredients (except in food) I decided to pick on thing that would be my deal-breaker when it came to my purchases and it was that the product needed to not be tested on animals. 

THE BAD:

Tea Tree Mask, The Body Shop// Aloe Soothing Day Cream, The Body 

Shop// Almond Hand & Nail Cream, The Body Shop// 

Soap Bark & Chamomile Deep Cleansing Cream, Burt's Bees

I find it extremely disturbing how easy it is for so many people (including myself) to turn a blind eye to the suffering of others just so we don't have to sacrifice any of our personal comforts. This is applicable in so many facets of our consumerist society in regards to fast fashion, cheap beauty products, meat-eating, fur-wearing and just the general disparity in the distribution of wealth worldwide but I'm not here to preach (okay maybe a little) I just want to explain my decision to try to go cruelty-free. Basically I used to be in my happy la-la land where I just told myself that animal testing just meant rubbing shampoo into a mouse's fur while some scientist stood there with a notepad to see if that gave the mouse a rash, well as you could probably guess that's not even close to being true. Once I started reading about that it made me sick to my stomach, who are we to value our expensive face wash over the life of another creature, this isn't even just humans being at the top of the food chain, this is humans place a negligible value on another living breathing (feeling) creature. I used to think PETA overreacted to everything, and that their practices and protests were just obnoxious and attention-seeking, I still think that but I also understand now why they need to be. One little tidbit of information that really bothered me was brands that make their profits on being "natural", "environmentally friendly" or companies that try to ethically source their ingredients have been bought buy the mega-corporations that run the beauty industry in order to capitalize on these companies "good" ethos even though these parent companies pour your toner in a little bunny's eye for the other brands they own. A few examples of this would be brands that are touted as cruelty-free or vegan like The Body Shop, Burt's Bees and Urban Decay which are owned by L'Oreal, Clorox and L'Oreal respectively all of which conduct testing on animals.

THE UGLY:

Colorburst Matte Balm, Revlon// Voluminous Mascara, L'Oreal// 

Double Wear Concealer, Estee Lauder// Kate Moss lipstick, 

Rimmel// Studio Fix powder foundation, MAC.

Now a lot of this information isn't really that new to me but I guess for the first time I really feel the guilt of what I am supporting when I purchase these products, I am supporting their practices which include animal testing as well as financing multi-billion dollar corporations that profit from telling people that they are incomplete or unattractive without their products. As someone who has generally felt pretty apathetic my entire life about everything I can say even though I feel very strongly about going cruelty-free I still have an internal debate over products that I really want even though I find out they're tested on animals. So far I have always put it back on the shelf and walked away but who knows. All I know is that is that there are several very successful brands who have developed amazing products without needing to test on animals so not only is animal-testing unnecessary it is cruel and inhumane and I will not turn a blind eye to it any longer.

D.

ON BEING FEARLESS

As a child you could not keep on the ground. I had this overwhelming urge to climb everything in sight, be it trees, rocks, play gyms, stop signs, if it protruded vertically, there was a very high chance I would be mentally working out how I could get to the top of it. At my sister's soccer games I would climb trees all the way to the top, at school I showed off my prowess on the monkey bars and hanging rings, swinging around on them and then climbing to sit on top, I guess I thought myself a little daredevil. We treat children as these inferior beings, ones that don't have the capacity to make sound decisions or offer good opinion and yet we are the ones that often have a hard time enjoying our lives. Our predisposition to be cautious, to being safe limits so many opportunities and so often it seems that those who play by the rule get left behind. The children, their naivety allows them to run wild, dreaming of the endless possibilities of where their lives could lead them and enjoying each and every day. They may not have have the burden of everyday responsibilities nor are they usually have other little lives depending on them but they do have this sense of fearlessness about them, believing they can do anything. I have a few little siblings ranging from three to ten years younger then me and from watching them grow up I have learned one huge thing, instead of explaining why you cannot do something, figure out at least one way that you possibly can.
D.

CHANGING MY WAYS

Now that I spend the majority of my day taking care of a tiny human, it has really made me reevaluate how I have lived my entire life up to this point, if each of my actions (or inactions) effect this one person so profoundly then maybe I should start being more mindful of each and everything I do. This is a process that I will probably chronicle in a few separate posts because really I am giving myself a lifestyle overhaul in order to really decide what the important things are in my life.  Here is a little overview of some of the things I am re-examining, and some of the resources I am turning to to help me get myself going into the right direction. I've been thinking about my future, specifically my future financial independence. Going hand in hand with that is trying to learn how to live comfortably with less and how to determine what to spend on and assess their quality. A more immediate change I have been making is being more conscious of myself, and my habits and my effect on the world. A lot of this information isn't new to me but for the first time in my life I am really driven to change, whether its looking closer at the labels on beauty products or deciding what to put into my body. One thing that I have been fairly militant about implementing is switching out all my products for cruelty-free alternatives, mostly I just use google to check out brands before purchasing but I refer to this list frequently and a friend of mine just introduced me to this app which I've already gotten a lot of use out of. Other things, revolving more around my appearance, I've been adopting a more natural approach to certain aspects of my life, especially in regards to my beauty regime. I pull a lot of my inspiration from reading about other's daily routines but I do have to credit Caroline Hirons for teaching me the importance of daily cleansing as well as just those little everyday things I should be doing for my skin. My wardrobe (or rather lack of) is something that I have touched on before, and I am looking forward to rebuilding mine with a new mindset.  Lastly I want to think about how I want to raise my child, which kind of values I want to try to instill in him. First and foremost I want to lead by example, so I really need to be aware of my bad habits but also I want him to learn respect for all living things as well as encouraging a varied diet and fostering good manners.  This is my rather ambitious outline for the life I am hoping to lead, but even if I have all these ideas of what I want to do nothing is going to change unless I put in the effort and start trying to live that life now.
D.

PERKS OF BEING A MOM

Not having to pay even if my bus ticket is expired. I just get a smile and sometimes a new ticket which  I think is really sweet. It makes up for all the times that I was eight-nine months pregnant and no one gave up their seat for me when I was busing to work.
D.

7 THINGS I DID YESTERDAY INSTEAD OF PACKING

I figured this would be a nice follow up to yesterday's post, Bean has a two and half hour nap in the afternoon and usually that is my productive time but instead I just had a meltdown and avoided all my responsibilities.

One. I told everyone else how much stuff I had to do, not really complaining more in a panicky way. I called my mother, texted my friend, spoke to my sister and essentially just listed off all the things that I was supposed to be doing.
Two. I caught up on all my unread bloglovin posts, which took all of maybe ten minutes as I had just read a bunch of them before Bean went to sleep.
Three. I went in and stared at Bean while he slept, he makes the funniest face with his tongue sticking out.
Four. Wrote a blog post about all the stuff I was supposed to be doing.
Five. Laid in bed and debated whether or not I wanted to put make up on just so that I could feel pretty in order to offset my self-pity but then eventually decided it was too much work.
Six. Cooked up a nice  big lunch of sauteed kale and bok choy on brown rice
Seven. Decided that it was okay that I didn't get anything done, and that I would try again tomorrow.

D.

SOME THOUGHTS

I am feeling very uninspired right now. I decided to start this blog before my big move in order to try to get myself into the habit of blogging but the point of this blog is supposed to be my adventures and as of late my only "adventure" has been my almost daily walks to the nearby drugstore so that I can say I have left my house today. So in order to get myself back into this I am just going to blog about the mundane and everyday aspects of my life. It will be boring, it will likely be repetitive and there won't likely be any nice pictures but whatever. So today I am just going to talk about the fact that I haven't done anything to get ready for my move. Yes I have packed two of the three suitcases that I am bringing (even though I have to unpack them now and re-pack it), I have gotten rid of the majority of my clothing and books and mostly figured out exactly what it is that I will be bringing. But even with all that done my room still feels pack to the brim with tons of other things that are in the miscellaneous category of crap that I don't really know what to do with. Nearly every surface is pilled with random pieces of paper, and objects that I know aren't coming with me but I can't figure out if they are worth storing or if they should just be thrown out. I don't know I am just rambling because I also haven't figured out how I am going to say goodbye to everyone and to most of the comforts that I have grown used to so I am projecting my anxiety onto something superficial like packing.   D.

TWO THINGS I'VE LEARNED SINCE BECOMING A MOM

I've been a parent for all of six months now. and it has been an incredibly eye opening experience. I have several younger siblings so a lot of the things that babies do weren't new to me, I knew about the crying, the pooping, the lack of sleep etc, those were the things that I felt somewhat prepared for. Overall I thought that I had a pretty good grasp of what it took to parent a newborn but there were two things that I've learned that I never thought that I needed to know, and that I could not imagine not knowing now. Number One: Sticking to a routine I cannot remember a single point in my life that I have stuck to routine for chunk of time longer then say a week. I wouldn't say that I'm a easy going person, but I have also never been the one to have a set bedtime (or wake up either). Meals have always been whenever I felt like it or had time, days would go by that I would forget to eat (or be too lazy to get out of bed) until four in the evening. I would go to bed at two, three, or four in the morning and get up around twenty minutes before my classes started. Probably the only two things that I've ever been able to do consistently was shower and brushing my teeth, washing my face and removing my make up however had always been optional.  Fast forward to now, having a baby has taught me a lot about the importance of a routine, when your options are to do things at a certain time of day (and keep doing it) or  having baby cry and fuss constantly you learn how to adapt to a routine pretty quickly. Now we wake up, eat (him first, then me), nap, play, eat again, nap (I eat here), play, eat, play, bath, eat and sleep (and my dinner follows). I have my designated shower times and for the first time I'm even getting in washing my face in the mornings and evenings Our routine is easy especially because it only revolves around us two but I know that if Bean is getting difficult in the evening that it is because of disruptions in our routine...which brings me to my second thing. Number Two: How to be more adaptable Routines are great, they provide consistency and comfort, but since they are so great it means most people have one, and chances are it does not line up exactly with yours. At first when I was getting Bean first settled into a routine I kept trying to force us both into routines that didn't work for us, the first was the "no routine" routine of feeding on demand, staying up until we both fell asleep, carrying him around constantly and that was exhausting for me to say the least. As the weeks went by though I started to learn more about my baby and myself which helped with establishing a routine...but then he got sick and we were back to square one. Within the last six months, Bean has had two colds, I've had one, we traveled internationally, we've had out of town guests, a few parties, he started teething as well as many other little bumps and disruptions to our daily lives and guess what, we have survived. It is frustrating when things change unexpectedly, but as my mother enjoys reminding me this is all still new, and we are only human so sometimes you have to throw your routine out the window and just work with what life has handed you in this moment.
D.

THINGS I AM GOING TO MISS: TREE TUNNELS

One of the most beautiful things about Vancouver is it's tree-lined streets. Several residential streets in my neighbourhood have these beautiful, lush, green canopies overhead and I just adore them.

D.

JUNE GOALS

These are my final weeks before packing up and saying goodbye, so I figure this is as good a time as any to start working towards my goals. Some little things and some big things, I want to pick 4 things this month to work on (or towards) and then I will check in with myself at the end of the month to see how I did. Hopefully it works, here goes.

1. Complain less

2. Be organized and packed BEFORE I leave, and avoid my usual last minute packing frenzy.

3. Say goodbye to Vancouver

4. Blog post 2-3 times each week (Monday being the beginning of the week).


D.

WEEKLY APPRECIATION: 0.3

I bought fresh flowers for the first time, white peonies. I have never really cared much for flower, nor have I been willing to put in the effort to keep them alive but I must say, their really do add a little something to a space.

Curating my pinterest boards. I don't have much on there yet but that's mostly because I want to choose things that I really want to use for inspiration, not just things that I think are pretty.

I donated half of my wardrobe, I let go of pointless pieces I had been carting around for years in the hopes of maybe someday I'll have a reason to wear it. I feel like I am slowly liberating myself from the materialism which has been directing my life.

This book Bébé Gourmet by Jenny Carenco has been instrument in my introduction of solids to Bean. Not having a picky eater is super high on my how-I-want-my-child-to-behave priority list plus it is serving as the inspiration for the my apparent lack of creativity in figuring out what I should be feeding bébé.

Lastly, we got a kitchen for our place in Germany, which is something I am hugely thankful for (and especially to H for driving two and half to go pick it up). Picking out a kitchen felt like such a huge hurdle both financially as well as making this whole move more tangible to me. I leave in five and half weeks and it still doesn't seem real to me but I feel like making the investment into a kitchen is one more step in the "no turning back now" direction.